funny jokes, video etc

[pet]

Dun listen to him la pet...... u ish ah sia kia.... sure can get girls 1...

ah sia kia gf ...

[pet]

[egstring]

saw a video clip so funny but is in teochew

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFDtxj-R-Qg

[marineguy8888]

Funny lyric for indian song

http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZA1NoOOoaNw&feature=related

[Darkangel]

ah sia kia gf ...

[marineguy8888]

[marineguy8888]

Enjoy

#1

Talented Candidate

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager.

The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.

The manager said "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.

The manager was stunned, but then told the dog "the sign says you have to be good with a computer." The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program, that worked flawlessly the first time.

By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can't give you the job."

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said "yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual." The dog looked at the manager calmly and said, "Meow!"

#2

Lucky Day

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain." "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back." "But, officer, I just wanted to say,..." "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

#3

Pink Golf Balls

There was once a little boy who got very good grades, straight A's on every subject on every report card. His name was Billy. His father was very proud of him, and decided to give him one thing every year, whatever he wanted. The little boy, for one odd reason or another, chose a pink golf ball, each and every year.

So finally, when the boy was sixteen, the dad got fed up with it and bought him a car. The son was fine with this, and took it on a joyride down to his favorite restaurant. He didn't want to drive through and he couldn't find a parking spot, but finally he found a spot on the other side of the street. He walked across happily, and halfway across, was hit by a truck.

On his deathbed, the wounds were fatal, he was asked by his father: "What did you do with the pink golf balls?" The son replied: "Well I ---" With that he died. The moral is that you should look both ways before crossing the street.

#4

Plush Hotel Room

They had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years. To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel.

She said to the bellman, "We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning." "But, madam!", replied the bellman. "Don't 'But madam' me," she continued. "You can't treat us like we're a couple of fools just because we don't travel much, and we've never been to the big city, and never spent the night at a hotel. I'm going to complain to the manager."

"Madam," the bellman said, "this isn't your room; this is the lift!"

#5

Job Competition

Two bright young engineers applied for the same position at a computer company. Since they had identical qualifications, the company asked the two applicants to take a ten-question test. At the conclusion of the test, one of the applicants was called into the manager's office.

"I have graded the test, and you both scored nine correct answers and got one answer wrong. Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to the other applicant."

"And why would you choose him if we both got nine questions correct?" asked the rejected applicant. "We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed," said the Department manager.

“And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" the rejected applicant inquired. "Simple," said the Department manager, "The other gentleman answered Question #5, 'I don't know.'

Your answer to Question #5 was, 'Neither do I.'"

#6

Surprise Win

When Jim walked into the office, he knew something was up. There was a message on his desk that the boss wanted to see him as soon as he arrived. The boss didn't look very happy when Jim reported to his office. The older man didn't say anything, he just pointed at the newspaper on his desk. It was opened to the sports page, and there was a picture of a smiling Jim, holding up the trophy for winning the local golf tournament the day before.

"I just checked. You called in sick yesterday!" the boss said. "What if everybody just claimed to be sick and took off whenever they wanted to? What do you have to say for yourself?"

There was a moment of silence in the big corner office, until Jim finally spoke up, "I was really surprised to win the tournament, sir. I have never played that well. Think of the score I could have had if I hadn't been sick!"

#7

U Grad

A young man reported for his first day of work at a supermarket. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a brush and said, "Your first job will be to wash the toilet."

"But I'm a U graduate," the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the brush - I'll show you how."

#8

Taking Pictures

A photographer for a national news magazine was assigned to get photos of a big forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane.

"It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!"

The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation and impatience.

After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not my instructor?"

#9

Smart Apes

Start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water.

After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result - all the apes are sprayed with cold water. This continues through several more attempts. Pretty soon, when another ape tries to climb the stairs, the other apes all try to prevent it.

Now, turn off the cold water. Remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.

Again, replace a third original ape with a new one. The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well. Two of the four apes that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest ape.

After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all the apes, which have been sprayed with cold water, have been replaced. Nevertheless, no ape ever again approaches the stairs. Why not? Because that's the way they've always done it and that's the way it's always been around here. And that's how company policy begins....

[marineguy8888]

Disclaimer: Joke, joke only.

#1

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

She sleepily replied,

"Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that sh*it."

#2

A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, "Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we're going up to our room for a little while."

Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little brother and takes him up to peek into the bedroom.

"Before you look in there," he says, "keep in mind this is the same woman who smacked our a*sses just for sucking our thumbs."

#3

A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, "Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish. The problem is, this is the last chicken in the house. I'm afraid I'll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!"

The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food. The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer. A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man's table and says, "Listen and listen good. That is MY chicken you are about to eat and I'll warn you, whatever you do to that chicken I'll do the same to you. You pull out one of its legs, I'll pull out one of yours. You break one of its wings, I'll break one of your arms!"

The man calmly looks at the chicken, then sticks his middle finger in the bird's rectum, pulls it out and licks it. He then gets up, drops his pants, bends over and says, "Go ahead!"

#4

The difference between having Guts and having Balls...

Guts is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

Balls is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the behind and having the balls to say, "You're next."

#5

A policeman sends his wife and kid to a resort for a vacation. After a week he joined them in the hotel. As soon as he came to the hotel room he wanted to make love to his wife and gave her "the look". Whispering under her breath, the wife says "No darling, we can't do it here, our kid is watching!" Husband replies, "You're right, lets go to the beach."

After a while they make their way to the beach, they start to make love on an empty beach. All of a sudden, a policeman walks up to them. "Put your cloths on immediately, shame on you, you can't do that in public!" Embarrassed, the husband admits "You are right, but I had a moment of weakness. We hadn't seen each other for an entire week. Now, I'm a policeman too, and it would be very embarrassing if you fine me."

The cop thought for a second and said "Don't worry... you are a colleague and it is your first time. But this is the third time I caught this ***** making love on this beach in the last week and she will have to pay."

#6

A friend asked me the other day why I never got married. I replied "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl."

"Oh, come on now," said my friend. "Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry."

"Yes, there was one girl... once. I guess she was the one perfect girl -- the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything... I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me."

"Well, why didn't you marry her?" asked my friend. I shrugged my shoulders and replied, "She was looking for the perfect man."

#7

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"

The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" replied the teacher. "Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

#8

Charlie marries a virgin. On their wedding night, he's on fire, so he gets naked, jumps into bed, and immediately begins groping her. "Charles, I expect you to be as mannerly in bed as you are at the dinner table." So, Charlie folds his hands on his lap and says, "Is this better?" "Much better!" she replies with a smile. "Okay, then," he says, "now will you please pass the pussy."

[pet]

[ejaan]

[marineguy8888]

Nipple song for pet

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLpRO...eature=related

[pet]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLpRO...eature=related

hahaa... nice indian girl, i dont mind ... hmmm ......

this one for louis ..fishing ... speaker on, listen...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osXk3VE4808

[pet]

[pet]

online game

http://viral.lycos.co.uk/games/condomgame.swf

[marineguy8888]

Slapping game

http://nigoro.jp/game/rosecamellia/rosecamellia.php